I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
