I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
NoShamevember. You game?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize