hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize