my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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