I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
did i just pee glitter
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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