She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
