I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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