she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
