My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I understand Curling. That high.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
