Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
