I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
