I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
