Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
