ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
