Whod you bang
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
there is glitter all over my balls
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