So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
