I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize