It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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