The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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