i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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