Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
