If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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