Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
