he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
