Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
