i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
