can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
