We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
