Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
