Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
