I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
