he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
NoShamevember. You game?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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