We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
