i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
