My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
