he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
