I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
