Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
