You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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