I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
