Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
