After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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