I think I am morally bankrupt
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Randomize
