Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
