Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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