I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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