I accidentally burped into my bong.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You are the jesus of drinking
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
