I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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