yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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