Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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