WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I need to calm my uterus...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
