I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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