3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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