if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
