I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
