Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize