Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
