i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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