OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
