You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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