I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
