You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
His hands were made for my vagina.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
