i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
