Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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