so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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